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Dear
Andrew,
Dear Andrew, I I have have a a strange strange,
disorder disorder which which means means I I
always always repeat repeat every every word word
I I say say.. It It is is very very embarrassing
embarrassing in in public public and and at at
school school.. What what can can I I do do??
The the embarrassed embarrassed repeater repeater,
York, York..
Well
well..sorry. Umm..this is a very unusual problem.
I'm no psychologist, so i can't help you much.
What I do suggest though is that you stop sending
me such pointless letters. You've sent me two
exactly the same already! Are you some nut? Leave
me alone. Next please please..grr..
Dear, Andrew..
Help! I'm addicted to the web and cable TV! Is
there anything that I can do that involves getting
off my fat ass?
-Claire
Ah..right.
Quite a familiar problem this one. You'll be glad
to know that there are cures. Firstly, this is the
one i call "standing up and walking
about". Getting from the sitting to standing
position and moving about is a function carried
out by nearly every human being. It can be carried
out easily, even with people in your condition.
The other treatment is to get out and exercise. A
30 minute brisk walk a day should do the trick.
But, hey..who the hell wants to do that when
there's crap to watch on cable tv and when you
could be talking about nothing in particular with
friends on the internet? heh, heh..
Hope I've helped.
Hi,
Agony Andy,
I have a problem, but I can't say what it is.
My Problem is that I can't say what my problem is.
I am caught in a vicious circle of not saying
anything.
What can I do?
Jonny Foreskin, 17, Swansea, Wales, Uk.
Well,
hello there. Sorry to hear about your unforntunate
problem. Er... I really don't know what to say.
It's not that I can't. I just don't know what.
Maybe I'm not the right person for a job. Try a
speech thearapist or a doctor of psychology. Try
using sign language to tell your problem to
someone if you can't say it. I don't know what
else to say except..
Every rose has a thorn
Every night has a dawn
Every cowboy has a sad, sad, song
Every rose has a thorn..
There we are. Hope it all sorts out.
Toodles.
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Dear
Andrew,
I was at a school fete a few weeks ago and
these boys picked on me. They stole all my
money and threatened to tell the whole
school that I lived in the woods with
green, spotted pixies if I didn't streak
through the crowds there. I didn't think I
could take that embarrassment, so I streaked. Thing is,
I'm getting more stick
for doing that! Help!
One time streaker, Manchester UK
Agony
Andrew replies..[thanks, craig.]
*Snigger..* Well, well..you have got
yourself into a bit of a pickle, haven't
you? There's only one thing I can think of
to help your cause. It might seem a bit
extreme, but in the end will work out.
Never wear clothes again. People will get
used to you living in all your glory and
soon won't care what you look like, and
you won't care what they think! Great, eh?
Hope that helps!
Dear
Uncle Andrew,
To cut hair or not to cut hair? That is
the question. And it is one I'm sure many
people have trouble with including myself.
You see the dilemma is - I need my hair
cut but am too scared to in case it goes
horribly wrong and I am left looking like
a plonker for months on end 'til it grows
out, and what's worse I could end up with
the dreaded "trainee
hairdresser". Ahh, the perils
of teenage life. Please help me, I can't
sleep at night!
From 'Scared of Scissors', Swansea
Why, hello
there, Scared. First of all, may I
congratulate you, (or more so your
parents) on your fantastically original
name. Gosh, and how it suits your
problem. Anyway, I'm guessing you
want a solution, hmm? Rightio.
I've thought long and hard and come to the
conclusion that, umm...6 down in today's
Times newspaper crossword must be a
misprint, because I swear the answer is
'sloth'...
Oops.
Terribly sorry! Your problem.
Well, one possible solution is to visit a
novelty fancy dress shop and buy a comedy
plastic 'bald' wig. Stuff it tight
on your head and you won't have to get
your hair cut. And the bulge of hair
on the top? That's just 'a cancer
growth..'.
Alternatively,
you could visit the hairdressers with a
large pair of sheers, and threaten the
stylist with them. Explain firmly
what might happen to their 'perfect' hair
if they so much cut just one hair on your
head wrongly. That should work.
Hmm, and if
all the above fails, and you do get a bad
hair cut, run away and join the circus for
a while where you can make money through
humiliation of your looks until it grows
back...
*exits
surgery with nervous look on his
face...walks...and a bit
faster...jogs...runs...jumps on bus and
drives away to mystery location....*
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